Seven Signs You Should Run From Your Partner
By Rinatta Paries
The relationship questions asked
most frequently are all basically the same. First people will explain
certain undesirable behaviors their partners are displaying. Then
they'll ask whether they should tolerate these behaviors or whether they
are making too big an issue of them.
There are, in fact, certain
behaviors that should not be tolerated because they damage and will
eventually destroy the relationship.
If you are in a brand-new
relationship and your partner exhibits one or some of the behaviors
below, you may want to consider walking away. If you stay, you may be
getting much more trouble, headache and heartache then you bargained
for.
If you are in a committed
relationship and are invested in staying, or if you are planning to get
engaged or married soon and some of these behaviors show up, try to work
through them. Since you have already invested time, effort and your
heart into the relationship, the relationship may be strong enough to
withstand the necessary change. But hold off on making a deeper
commitment to each other until the issues are resolved. Commitment and
marriage tend to make issues worse rather than better.
Finally, if you are married, you
probably want to do everything possible to save your marriage. If the
two of you are dealing with any of the issues below, the most effective
way of overcoming them is with outside expert help.
1. Excessive Flirtation
People in committed relationships, even in early committed relationships,
should not be flirting with others in a way that makes their partner
uncomfortable.
Here is the measuring stick: If your
partner tells you about the flirting or you witness your partner
flirting and neither of you flinches, the flirtation is OK. Otherwise it
is not and you should be rightly bothered. This is, of course, assuming
that you are not overly insecure and that you do not view any
interaction your partner has with others as flirting.
2. Man/Woman Watching
Some discreet man/woman watching may occasionally be OK. But when it is
blatant and intrusive, it becomes a relationship problem. You are not
too sensitive if this bothers you. You should not have to learn to get
over this and you should not have to learn to tolerate this behavior.
3. Infidelity
Unless you have a workable open-marriage agreement with your partner, you
absolutely should not tolerate infidelity. There is simply no excuse for
it. Alcohol, loneliness, anger, etc., are not good reasons to get
involved with other people when you are in a relationship.
4. Another Relationship
OK, I know people get involved with those who are already in another
relationship with the hope that they will "win" and the other
relationship will end. But in reality this seldom happens. If you are
involved in this kind of a relationship, perhaps it's time to give your
partner an ultimatum. Set a drop-the-relationship-date by which your
partner will willingly release the other relationship or you.
5. Romantic Contact From Other
People
Why would someone in a relationship be getting phone calls, mail or e-mail
of a romantic nature from other people? And why would the other person
in the relationship tolerate this?
I think often it is because the
partner somehow does not place responsibility for what's happening where
it belongs -- squarely on the shoulders of the person who is receiving
the communication.
If communication is ongoing, it is
not accidental or victimization; it is invited and your partner is
getting something out of it. To avoid a surge of feedback from those of
you who may disagree with this point, let me say that there are now many
easy ways to block unwanted communication, both on regular phones, cell
phones and e-mail.
You are not too sensitive to feel
threatened and to wonder if you are about to lose the relationship or be
cheated on. Both may happen next.
6. Frequent Reactive or Angry
Behaviors
Almost everyone has a frustrated moment, day or even a week. Life can get
very hectic and stressful at times. But, if your partner is reactive or
angry most of the time, for an extended period of time, this may just be
the way he or she is.
If the two of you have repeatedly
tried to problem-solve and yet nothing seems to cool the reactiveness
and anger, you may want to ask yourself if you want this on ongoing
basis.
7. 'It's All Your Fault'
Every relationship has issues or problems that need to be discussed. For
some this happens sooner rather than later. But make no mistake -- this
happens in every relationship. In fact, problems are an inherent part of
being in a relationship.
However, if your partner
categorically refuses to acknowledge and deal with his or her
contribution to the problem and instead says in one way or another that
it's all your fault, you have a serious problem on your hands. How will
you move on and build a deeper relationship if your current problems
cannot be resolved?
You are not pushy to ask your partner to deal with what needs to be
dealt with. You have every right to ask for an active partner in a
relationship.
This article courtesy
of
"Rinatta
Paries, 1998-2002. Relationship
Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you
the skills and techniques to attract
and sustain long-term, healthy
partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes,
advice and a free weekly ezine.
Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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