Make Your Partner a
Part of Your Life
by Nancy Fagan, M.S.,
ExpertDatingAdvice.com
One day over lunch, Bridget told her friend that she felt as though she
and her husband of 12 years were just strangers living together under
the same roof. They got along like two roommates, or co-parents, without
any problems, but something was missing. Bridget reminisced about how
close she and her husband had once been and had no idea when things
changed. She missed the closeness and had no idea how to get it back.
Her friend sympathized with her because she felt the same way about her
husband, too.
These two women share a very common problem in long-term relationships.
Fortunately, this problem is easily fixed: Just remember to make your
partner a part of your life.
When a relationship passes the honeymoon stage and into the comfortable
stage, people often stop sharing things with their partners. This
tendency is a normal process of growing closer. People just get busy in
their normal routine and don't take the time to share like they did
early in their relationship. The remedy is to devote a certain time
every day to share the highs, lows, passions, frustrations, memories,
hopes, and everything else you go through every day. Keeping the lines
of communication open will keep the romance burning bright in your
relationship, and that's the key to feeling close to your partner.
Talk Time
Knowing someone takes a lifetime, so you need to
keep the lines of intimate conversation going. These important
conversations will prevent the two of you from ever feeling like
strangers living together.
Encourage these conversations by reserving nightly time together before
you fall asleep to have talk time. You don't have to verbally arrange a
time to talk-it's better to keep it casual by creating a habit of
talking each night. Talk time isn't a time for serious discussions or
conversation about the children; it's more a time for relaxed, fun
conversation to get to know each other better. The following are some
good questions for you to ask your partner at talk time:
-
Tell me about your favorite pet when you were a child.
-
Who has been your best friend the longest?
-
What's a holiday tradition that you like/dislike?
-
When you are old, what will be the highlight of your life?
-
If you could be the creator of any invention throughout time, what
would it be?
-
Tell me about your first day in high school.
-
What are your favorite smells of each season?
Keeping Life Balanced
In most couples today, both people have careers.
Dual-career couples often experience an increase in relationship stress
and a decrease in the amount of time they have for each other. As long
as the relationship is well-organized, and nothing unexpected comes up,
work and relationships run smoothly. However, life usually doesn't work
that way.
Couples must keep their lives in balance. If they don't, their
relationships will suffer. You won't fall out of love just because
you're a workaholic. But continually putting your other responsibilities
ahead of your relationship means that you and your partner will pay in
terms of emotional neglect for each other's needs. Get a sitter if you
need some time alone. Take a sick day to put your relationship back in
good health. Do what's necessary to balance the needs of your life with
the needs of your relationship.
Making Your Dreams Come True
Too often obligations in life keep you from
maintaining the closeness you originally sought in your relationship.
You can combat this by focusing on sharing your life with your partner.
Real romance isn't about flowers and candy, it's about daily expressions
of love. It's about your commitment to your partner and the actions that
prove your commitment. Expressing love is not about the big things you
do for your mate, but the small things. These little gestures make your
partner feel appreciated, cared for, and special. For those times when
you don't feel up to giving, just remember that it's hard to have a
vibrant, growing relationship with someone when you are more deeply
committed to something else.
Even if you aren't comfortable expressing your love, you still need to
do it. Be realistic; it's all right if you start out slow. The point is
to start. In a great country song called "Me Too," a husband struggles
to tell his wife he loves her, but he can only manage to say, "Me too."
Of course, she urges him to say, "I love you," but he can't. To reassure
her, he talks about all the things he does to say "I love you," but she
misses all of them.
Let this song be a reminder that sometimes your partner may be trying
his best to show you he loves you. Sadly, some people find it difficult
to express their love verbally. But this difficulty does not mean they
do not show their love in other ways. You just have to learn the ways
your partner shows you he cares. Just think of how good it will make
your partner feel to know you see how he expresses his love for you.
Every effort either of you make to be romantic and to show love counts.
Make your relationship a top priority in your life by keeping your full
attention on it. Relationships don't stay strong and happy because of
mere proximity. Instead, your relationship is happy because you care
enough to make it work.
This article contributed by Nancy Fagan of
Dr. Romance
www.ExpertDatingAdvice.com
Expert advice on Love, Dating and Romance.
She's the author of two best-selling books, “The Complete Idiot’s
Guide to Romance” and “Desirable Men: How to Find Them.”
This page may not be reproduced without permission
Hope agrees. "I'm glad we didn't [meet at a younger age]. It would not
have lasted," she says. She lists the things she and Dave have now that
younger couples cannot have: "Life experience. Acceptance that each of
us is doing our very best at that moment. I also have so much less of a
fairy tale idea about marriage, and now find so much more pleasure in
it!"
Venus Envy?
So is there anything younger couples have that these couples envy?
Dave and Hope say that apart from "the chance to have children
together," younger couples have "very little" they envy.
"For me, nothing," Alan says. "I don't feel a lot different from my 20s!"
"The only thing younger couples have that I envy is time," Annie says.
"They say youth is wasted on the young. Now I truly understand that."
John and Marcia echo her sentiment. Younger couples, have "absolutely
nothing" they envy--"except that they'd have longer to be together than
we have. But if we can hit 75 or 80, we'll be grateful for even that
short a time."
So no matter what your past, you can have romance in your future--and make
it last a lifetime the second time around! |
