Can we still be friends?
You invest so much into a
relationship, you would think it shouldn't all go to
waste after a break up. After all, you have become true
confidants, intimate partners, at times the most loyal
of friends, why should you have to lose it all? Maybe
something can be salvaged. When the emotional attachment
is strong, it is almost impossible to be friends
immediately after the fact. The pain is bad enough,
without it being pushed under your nose everyday. So, if
at all, how can to lovers become... just friends? You
need:
1. Time - each individual
needs time to move on an re-establish themselves
as... an individual. One needs to put the past
behind them and feel as if they have moved on to
another chapter in their lives. If one person is
still in love and wants the relationship to
continue, time must separate the two, until that
person realizes that he or she is moving on in life
without the other as a special, intimate companion.
2. Discipline - There
will likely be some attraction left, at least for
one of the former partners. There is also likely to
be some of that special comfort, that only an
intimate committed couple should know. A couple who
wants to just be friends really needs to be
discipline with each other, especially at the
beginning of the friendship. They should probably
limit: how much time they spend together, how long
should phone calls last, what kind of questions are
asked, whether they can have any physical contact
(we mean hugs and kisses). If the former couple sets
some boundaries, a friendship can build slowly and
be built on same foundation upon which a traditional
friendship is based. The friendship can then develop
on a different platform and not just be based on
former intimacy.
3. Communication,
Understanding and Patience - Often people want to be
friends, but they enter into the friendship based
on: guilt, loneliness, or hope for the romance to be
rekindled. All of these feelings will likely cause a
post-relationship friendship to be grounds for more
pain. Each individual needs to be honest with the
other and with themselves concerning their motives.
You need to communicate, understand each others
feelings. You may need to let more time to pass.
True empathy is difficult, but necessary to assist
in this process. If you realize that, despite your
best intentions, it is more harmful than good to
your "ex" to be... just friends, you need to step
away.
You can be friends, but you
can never have what you had before: an intimate
relationship. If you can truly separate the two and give
it time, a loyal friendship can result from a difficult
break up.
This article
courtesy of
Metrodate
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